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WILDERNESSSSS [May. 19th, 2005|08:32 pm]
[What I'm Feeeelin |awakeawake]
[Spinnin |Ciara Ft. Petey Pablo - Goodies (yeah its wierd and corny)]

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want. [Apr. 13th, 2005|04:26 am]
[What I'm Feeeelin |contemplativecontemplative]
[Spinnin |Josh Groban - When You Say You Love Me]

Ive decided that im going to marry one of these peoeple

- Brad Ludden (worlds hottest kayakers)
- ANY KEEWAYDIN BOY ( because they are AMAZING)
- JOSH GROBAN ----- i am like in LOVE with him. i swear his singing makes him so freaking attractive. ahahha i kno its wierd. but i luuuurve him. hahahah.
- JON YOUNG. simply becasue i love this boy. and hes too cool for school

hahahaha. this is what i think about when im bored.
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yippeee [Apr. 9th, 2005|10:33 pm]
[What I'm Feeeelin |contentcontent]
[Spinnin |James Taylor - Cats in the Cradle]

i love my girls so indredibally much. sometime i wonder how i survive with them being so far away!!!!

What Makes You.. by SheBangs12
Your name?
Your gender?
What makes you sexy?Your hips
What makes you pretty?Everything
What makes you loveable?Everything
What makes you fun?Your adventurous nature
What makes you irresistable?Your kiss
What makes you cute?How you kiss/hug
Quiz created with MemeGen!

all is hunky dory. im glad, things are coming back to normal..

over him/teacher conflict solved/my songa girlies are emailing /gotCarlotasemail address/getting work done/less work to be done/beth is coming in two months/gaining weight but oh well/getting sooner to june/saw my aunt yesterday/moms in beijing/lacking some sleep but that happens/track is starting/jackies got jeff/grades are slowly picking up again after a quarter of CHAOS/HOPEfully moving to hongqiao in august september/christmas lights are still up in my room/songa moose/new calendar/more earrings/more clothes/bought more dvds/successfully downloaded some songs/inmotion speakers are my life/curious george/blankie/life/love/blood/sex/sugar/magic

that doesnt make any sense. but mearly some little things and updates that are happening with me. not that anyones really interested. but oh well.

live life gloriosly.
learn to love the little things in life.
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A.H [Mar. 8th, 2005|09:40 pm]
[What I'm Feeeelin |morosemorose]
[Spinnin |silence is golden]

This is for what i cant say to your face, for im a coward. and i apologize in advance for putting this up in the place that made you realize that you didnt want to be with me. but its the only place i know you'll read it and nobody else will.

I love our memories, i love the time that we spent together.

I used to brag about you, that fact that i had you. i used to always be like, yeah thats why im so happy, yeah hes soo much fun, yeah hes the best. and i used to show you off to my friends because i'd never had someone care about me that much in a way that i loved so much. i pushed it in front of my friends that i had you.
And im sorry you never heard it from them, but people dont gossip over all the good things, they gossip over all the bad things people say. which is why you heard all that crap.

I knew you arent "good" at relationships when i got into this. but i didnt care.

Not one person ever said to me, your so lucky you have alex. First reactions from everybody was.... hunny you can do so much better. and yes, it hurt to hear it because i was sooo happy. but i didnt listen to them. i wanted to be with you, no matter what anybody else said. if i listened to everybody else it would have been over in a matter of days. i liked you for who you were, not what people thought of you.

i loved just looking at you. when you were having fun, laughing, smiling, or playing soccer. it made me happy to see you having fun, thats all i ever wanted from you. is for you to be happy.

i spent hours thinking of you. whether in the netherlands with the MUN crew, or with kelly in L.A. so many times have you just popped into my head, and have i started thinking about how much i missed you. even if i saw you the day before. for there was not a time when i said i missed you and anyone meant it more than me. there are countless times when kelly would see something and say, you thinking about alex? and i would say... no, but now i am. and just smile for hours thinking of you.

how bad i felt after i hit you, (even if you deserved it sometimes hahaha jk) even if it was meant to be a joke

i love how i used to go see you. and never complain that you wouldnt come see me, simply becasue i was glad to go, no matter how tired, how broke, how late it was.

i dont hate you, i never can. dont ever think of that. becasue that just wont happen. but right now. i need you to talk to me, so i know your not a jerk, but just realize that im not over you. havent started getting over you yet. it all ended in an instant, so it'll take time.

i dont fully understand why you did what you did, for the reasons you told me, but i'll try. i just dont get how becasue you think you cant handle it or dont have the capability to handle it, you stop it. i sort of see where youre coming from, but try to see why i cant understand

remeber all our emails. in particular the one when i was in l.a and you thought i was ignoring you. cause i will always remember right after that online when you said it made you realize how much you liked me. (guess that doesnt matter anymore hahha)

and one last thing. i spent about 4 hours crying over you and im not near done and i dont like crying especially over guys. and im not saying this to hurt you or to make you feel bad, but in hopes that you'll realize that thats how much i like you. how much i thought that would be the last thing to happen between us. i cared about you more than youll ever know, for its far more than i ever showed. and i regret that, but one of the reasons why i didnt show it, was becasue i was afraid i'd like you way more than you liked me, and i would get even more hurt. i cried for so long, because you were one of the best things that ever happened to me. and i didnt think it would end, or maybe i didnt want it to end, but you are truely and honestly one of the best things that ever happened to me. i will continue to cry, and i kno i will and i cant help it, becasue you are not just a person. youre not just a friend, youre not just a guy. you were somebody i confided in for comfort, someone who i trusted with no questions asked right from the start, somebody i knew i could have loved if i just gave it the chance. im sorry for anything that i did to hurt you, sorry for anything wrong that i did. and im sorry if i ever made you embarrased because of me.

dont be afraid to call me. whenever, whether after you read this and want questions answered, or if you just are bored. really, it lets me know youre not a jerk and that you care.
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my fun thing for the day [Feb. 2nd, 2005|11:53 pm]
[What I'm Feeeelin |tiredtired]
[Spinnin |PM Dawn - I'd Die Without You]

first off

second and last.
write about 15 people and how you feel about them, but dont say who they are.

here we goooo!

1. you are one of the most important people to me in the world. and obviously the first person i would write about. you moved away in one of OUR greatest times of need. and i miss you more than i can ever describe. you can read me like a picture book, and kno exactly what im thinking and why even when i havent said a word. we are perfectly content when just sitting in silence next to each other. you, my dearest friend, are one of the extremely few people i put my life into your handsm i trust you like no other. really. i would do ANYTHING for you. you have changed my life in more ways than you can expect. im awaiting our amazing reunion.... we're going to rock it up like nothing else matters.

2. i could never forget about you. you will always hold a special part in me, and my life. few words go very far for our special relationship. i will always love you. i was more upset than you kno, that had to move away, but you will always have a part in my life. i love you, and miss you terribly.

3. how could i forget how much i hate you. i did nothing to you. i never even said a word, but you hate me anyways. and for that i have not 0.01% of respect for you. i dont wanna see you, i dont wanna ever have anything to do with you. becasue guess what bitch? i hate you too. and im not afraid to say it.

4. you are so important to me. you are a guy who will never do anything bad to me. nothing to make me lose respect, and nothing to make me think less you of you. i think so highly of you. you are someone i will respect for the rest of my life. i love you like a big bro.

5. you put the fun in my life. we spent so much time together this summer getting to kno each other and doing the same stuff everyday. it was great. you my friend, are zee best in zee vorld. and i cannot wait to be reunited with you this summer. we will have the BEST time together, no matter what.

6. for so long have i known you and been friends with you and your family. i miss you terribly. and am waiting to see you again and spend our time eating, watching tv, and duh me being in love with ur little brooo. muahahaha. and loving ur parents as if my own. i love you hun. and cant wait to see you soon.

7. recently i have lost a massive amount of respect for you. however im trying to look past it and remember what was so good in our friendship. its hard. becasue i lost a lot. and you personally hurt me. but oh well. lets see if we can both look past it and move on

8. you made one of my summers great. better than you can imagine. you were what kept me from crying everyday that summer with all the horrible people around us. However, you were one of the great and still are. you are as wierd as i am, and this is rare. and for that i love you with all my heart and miss you horribly.

9. ive lost all respect for you. and so have many many many other people. and your to dumb to see it. and i dont even have any sympathy for you. you are the biggest jackass ive ever met. i never wanna talk to you again. its your loss, not mine. and you cant even tell.

10. sigh. there arent enough words for you. through thick and thin we have made it through to still be friends today. even though my trust in you is gone. we are still so close and i respect that. our ritual will never be broken. even if were going through some hard times. i love you. i do.. i dont say it often enough. but i do.

11. you.... i love more than i can explain. i love our family meals. and how much i love you at school and how much you make me laugh, and how much you make me happy. seeing you in the morning makes me smile. seeing you in pictures makes me smile. you are so incredibally beautiful on the inside and out. i love you and will cherish our friendship forever. because you are amazing. i love you.... theres no other way i can say it that means more.

12. what can i say about you. its been nearly 3 years since we were last reunited but i still hold a place for you in my heart. you never leave my mind. ever. a piece of you is hanging on my neck. and has been for the past 3 years. it will not come off. thank you for everything. i love you and miss you mr. exprez

13. you have been there for me always. ive spent hours and hours crying to you. youve spent so much time listening to me that i am forever gratefull. never loose touch with me okay? you better promise. otherwise im gonna have to cry all over your office again. so much love you to. and so much respect for you. you are the worlds greatest role model. i dont kno any reason why anyone would not love you like i do. its impossible.

14. you are unique. and i love you for not being ashamed of it. it feels as if you have spent forever in my heart. you are a great guy, the perfect gentlemen, and the perfect friend. you are amoung the people who i have the most respect for. find someone to love, and i promise you, they will never leave you. you are amazing.

15. boo! you kno who you are. you mean more to me than you kno. i will be sadder than you kno at our depart from each other. im starting to fall. and if you kno who you are. you kno what it means. thank you. please, im begging you. dont leave. i'll miss you too much.
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(no subject) [Jan. 18th, 2005|05:55 pm]
[What I'm Feeeelin |happyhappy]
[Spinnin |Daniel Beddington - I Gotta Get Through This]

20 random things to kno about me.

1. i dont drink soda, and i dont eat pizza.
2. i try really hard at school and work, when i do work
3. i never do anything without a reason. most jokes and things i talk about have something behind them.
4. when receiving/giving hugs from/to people i care about, i normally look down, grab around the waist, and curl over into a little ball type thing. simply becasue it makes me feel safer than anything
5. looking at the ground, makes me feels safe.
6. i put family, then friends, then everyone else before me.
7. i kayak like a maniac.
8. songadeewin is one of the things that keeps me going in life.
9. when i love, i love with all my heart.
10. my family rocks. and i have so much fun with them.
11. despite what most people think and the way i act sometimes, im actually extremely caring and although i hit people a lot, i do care.  
12. i love boston. its amazing.
13. canoeing is my calling

14. during the summer, i run for a couple hours every morning with my dog
15. i am born to be a mother. i love kids, i kno how to take care of them, i kno how to discipline, when angry i take out my anger by cleaning something, and i want to eventually be a mother very badly.
16. i really dislike the word 'hate' and the word 'whatever' when used offensively. when people use them i get angry.
17. never underestimate my strength. little person--- but very strong
18. im really good at reading people and what their actions means
19. i wear contacts.
20. im deathly afraid of spiders, and falling down escalators ( i take stairs if theyre there)
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JON YOUNG I LOVE YOU. [Dec. 6th, 2004|09:25 pm]
[What I'm Feeeelin |anxiousanxious]
[Spinnin |Weezer - Butterfly]


i love you with all my heart.

im so sorry for not being able to make it to ur barmitzvah. but i dreamed i was there and it was amazing.

we'll celebrate when i get back okay?

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(no subject) [Nov. 16th, 2004|09:53 pm]
[What I'm Feeeelin |contemplativecontemplative]

when things happen. they happen. there is not always an explanation. or a valid reason. but as said in forrest gump "shit happens" and we all learn to accept these things. and we all get over them in time. however different people act in different ways to these types of things. some want revenge, some are passive. some are constructive and try to figure out how these things happened and fix them if possible.

the interesting one there are the ones who want revenge. most in this day and age seek the revenge they so desperately want, but do not terminate the actions out of humanity, and possibly pure laziness. however there are the the ones who do, and they do in anyway possible. whether its verbally, physically, or indirectly getting revenge on/at them, they will find a way to do it. on a consistant basis, those who will seek revenge in any form, are diliberately ruining some others life/lives. they have their incentive, and when times get tough and humanity gets to their minds, all they have to do is think about what happened to them 'because of this person(s)"

my question to them is, do you not ever feel immature. isnt revenge something that you feel you need only when you're young and ur sibling steals ur cupcake? when you get older, doesnt that necessity for revenge abolish or transform itself into more constructive and dually beneficial solutions?

although when most people grow up, they become more passive. and that is okay,in my opinion. for personally im probably the most passive person any of you will ever know. however being passive will always keep you behind the best. the constructive people will get farther in life, becasue they talk things out with people. while the imature people whos perogative in life is to get back at someone for something you claim they did, whether they did or not, shall always be jerks, the assholes in life. the ones who ruin you for no valid reason. they might get ahead in life, but simply only becasue of events they derive that will bring come back to their own detrimental faults that will come upon them in life.

i will seized myself in this matter for now. however i do believe those who actually go out of their way to get revenge on someone or a group of people, are just doing detrimental things to themselves. and that if you seek revenge on those who are revenging on you already, you have just steeped down to their level, gone 50 ft. under......

sigh. sorry for the depressing entry yall. bad weeks, bring bad feelings. which personally, result in writing in my livejournal
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(no subject) [Oct. 6th, 2004|02:27 pm]
[What I'm Feeeelin |ecstaticecstatic]
[Spinnin |Weezer - Hash Pipe]

HOLY CRAP IM EXCITED AS HELL!!!!!!!!! A FREAKING WILDERNESS TRIP!?!??! ALIHANDRO IF YOURE KIDDING ME I WILL KILL YOU! hahahaha. I AM EXCITED! 5 FREAKING WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 hole weeks with the girls i love like no other! and MAGGIE WE DONT HAVE TO BE SCAMPERS ANYMORE! WE CAN ACTUALLY BE CAMPERS AGAIN! WOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SOOO FREAKING EXCITED. living out in the wilderness, camping, canoeing everyday for 5 WEEEKS! i love this. i cant wait. time to grow back my muscles!
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(no subject) [Aug. 25th, 2004|01:06 am]
i loved camp. i love camp, i always will love camp. ahhh pictures up later.
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